Unbalanced relationship: I am doing all the work and he’s just a dead-weight!

Do you have a feeling that you are doing everything possible and were it not for you your relationship would stagnate, and you never move anywhere? Are you disappointed, that it takes forever for your man to admit, that what you proposed way back, is the right thing for your relationship? You are mad, that he is so slow, that you rather do everything yourself. You are exhausted and you feel that your feelings toward him are slowly cooling off, because you feel that he is just a dead-weight, in your relationship, while you are wearing out. Don’t despair, I’ll tell you how to get out of it!

This may sound drastic, don’t be mad at me, dear, but what if I tell you that the problem is not entirely your man? It may sound terrible, but please let me explain.

Who is the better one? Well, me!

Many women in a partnership feel that the way they see it is the right way to do things. And a man, in fact, just needs some time to arrive at the same conclusion. Unfortunately, in this setup, there is no room for the man’s authenticity. It’s no longer about two equally important opinions. It’s about the “better”, and “faster” opinion, on one side, while on the other is the “slower” one, which, in fact, just needs time to arrive at the same conclusion. That is because the conclusion that the woman reached is the right one. 

However, if someone is a better one, it also means, that the others are the worse. And in such a setup nobody can be happy. The one who “hauls” the relationship is unhappy because they feel overloaded and underappreciated. And the other who is just a “dead-weight” is not happy, because they are being dealt with as inferior, as a child, on which you have to wait until it’s old enough to comprehend everything. 

A true partnership of equals

The notion that someone is “carrying” a partnership is just one big illusion. It’s just the one doing whatever they want and at the same time blaming the other, that they don’t see and do it the same way. If the other does not do as expected, everything is left to the “carrier”, to do themself. But in the end, it is still their choice to do it. No one, at any time, carries a partnership anywhere. A partnership is always 50:50. And should also have equality of opinions, priorities, and solutions. 

If you want to get out of being a “carrier”, dear, you must realize that the foundation to build your relationship is an equal partnership, in all respects. A partnership where no one is “better”, no one who is “right” and does things in a “right” way and “on time”. Communicate with your man – ask how he evaluates the situation and ask him to come up with his own idea for a solution. And don’t forget, his solution and yours are completely equal, nobody is right and certainly, nobody has the upper hand.